I shouldn’t know this stuff…

19 May

Being a youth pastor has a list of occupational hazzards.  It also means that I have a skill set that I probably wouldn’t have learned in any other job field.  Hopefully there is a ton of biblical knowledge, counseling tips, and insight on humanity.  I believe those are there too but I know some strange stuff.  That being said, as I was learning something else this weekend that I shouldn’t know, I thought I would compile a short list that could be an evolving one over time.  Here goes, I will start with 10…

  • Smoke Machine Liquid costs $22/gallon.  (That is the new one from the weekend)
  • If you are ordering pizza for a group the equation is 2.5 slices x how many people you want to feed, then divide by 10 (slices in a pizza) and you will have an amount of pizzas to order.
  • A slip n slide is best made out of clear ag plastic which comes in 10×100 ft. rolls.  You add tearless baby shampoo and water.  Makes for a fun afternoon in the sun and you will be cleaner after you are done.  (FYI, don’t use black plastic, it heats up too much in the sun and burns your lawn too fast)
  • If you make 5 gallon buckets of Jello there is a hard gelatin disk at the bottom of the bucket that can be thrown like a frisbee.
  • If you must be hit in the face with a pie ask for a fruit based pie.  Human hair is porous and absorbs the dairy.  You smell pretty bad for a while, and worst, you can smell yourself.
  • Shaving cream burns in the eyes
  • Golf Carts can flip if turned too fast.
  • Water in Costa Rica is drinkable, which is not true of any other place in Latin American countries.
  • Rootbeer and Bananas cause HORRIBLE stomach gas
  • In most food fights, “the thicker the better” is typically the best rule to live by.
  • Here is a freebee…always travel with earplugs.
If you have been in youth ministry I would love to hear your skill set, or even what you learn in your occupation that you really shouldn’t know.

2 responses to “I shouldn’t know this stuff…

  1. supermannino

    May 19, 2011 at 10:54 am

    Now THIS I can relate to. Let me think of a couple…

    Ramen noodles are best prepared in a hotel room with a coffee pot.

    When bargaining for luchador masks, always walk away. You’ll get them cheaper.

    When thrusting a kid on a skateboard into real bowling pins, make sure that you have a responsible adult to be behind the pins to catch the kid by the shoulders (not the head).

    Taking the back seat out of a 15-passenger van renders the van an 11-passenger van.

    With macho kids around, you should never have to carry anything! 🙂

  2. The Until Matters

    May 23, 2011 at 12:03 am

    Done it, done it, wish I had done it, done it done it! Peas in a pod my friend. I’m sure could say the same for mine as well.


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